Attack of the Wammy Kids
by norsegodchick13
Summary: Nobody planned on having the top three students at Wammy's House stay for two weeks. Nobody expected the chaos that would follow, either.
1. Chapter 1

"Ryuuzaki and I have an announcement to make."

It was any normal day at the task force headquarters. Matsuda was being an idiot, Ryuuzaki was simultaneously bothering Misa and Light, Soichiro was being righteous, Aizawa was rockin' the afro, Mogi was... doing... something, and Ukita was dead. And Watari was also being a badass butler. Everyone turned around and looked at said badass butler.

"Oh god. What is it this time, Ryuuzaki?" Light asked.

"As everyone but Matsuda, Misa, Light-kun, Yagami-san, Aizawa, and Mogi know, I have an orphanage in England for gifted kids who could possibly be my successors. Wammy's House."

"And..." Soichiro inwardly sighed. This wasn't going to be good.

"Well, the top three students there are going to be staying here for about two weeks. We have arranged it so they will arrive tomorrow." Watari explained.

"You're just gonna let three kids stay around an important police investigation? Is that the best idea?" Mogi asked.

"Misa-Misa thinks it'll be fun to see some cute little kids!" Misa jumped up, clapping.

"They're 10, 11, and 12, and they're gifted kids. Okay, fine, they're all pretty messed up, but it'll all go work out. They might even help us catch Kira." Ryuuzaki dropped the last sugar cube onto the pile of sugar cubes in the coffee cup. He then began to drink it, in a way only L could.

"I guess nothing too bad could happen." Matsuda mused.

"Great. They should arrive around noon, so I hope you'll all be presentable by then." Ryuuzaki turned back to his computer.

"Presentable? He never showers and wears the same clothes every day!" Misa whispered to Light.

"We should just try to get through the weeks as best we can." Light whispered back.

"Light-kun's attempt at whispering is easily audible." Ryuuzaki said through a sip of sugar cubes.

* * *

><p>The next morning, Ryuuzaki was already up. He didn't sleep.<p>

Watari woke up at 5:30 am, always. He put on his suit, combed his hair and mustache, got his glasses, and brought some cake to L.

Soichiro woke up at 6. He streched, and got out of bed. To him, it felt like today would be any normal day. He was tired, and he vaguely recalled that someone would be visiting today or something.

Damn.

The genius kids were coming.

He put on a his glasses and got dressed. He ate a light breakfast, and went downstairs to where Ryuuzaki and Watari were looking at a computer.

"Watari. You should probably go get the kids." Ryuuzaki said. Watari left.

"They're really coming?" Soichiro asked.

"Yes Yagami-san. The Wammy kids are coming."

At 6:30, Mogi woke up.

"Today's the day..." He muttered, getting ready. He went down to meet everyone.

"Where's Watari?" He asked.

"He's picking up Matt." Ryuuzaki answered. "We decided it'd be best to separate them on the way here, so we don't have to treat any injuries."

"Injuries? Who are these kids?" Soichiro stood up, looking at Ryuuzaki.

"Near and Mello are mortal enemies, and Matt and Mello often bother each other. Matt and Near sometimes bother each other, but it's unlikely."

"..."

"Right..." Mogi sighed.

7 was when Light woke up. He had been sleeping on a chair next to Ryuuzaki the whole time.

"G-good morning."

"Good morning Light-kun."

"I should probably..."

"Ah yes, I'd forgotten that normal people changed and showered. One moment please."

The two of them went upstairs, Light showered, and somehow figured out how to change while handcuffed to the three greatest detectives.

They went back downstairs.

Aizawa had arrived.

"So, we have four hours until they get here?" He asked, sitting down.

"Correct."

"What are they like?"

"You'll see. I wouldn't want to ruin the surprise."

"Oh."

At ten, Misa joined everyone.

"Oh, the kids are coming today! Misa-Misa is so excited!" She squealed.

Ryuuzaki sighed.

"Please, Misa, never do that again?" Light asked.

"Anything for my Light-kun!"

"Two hours, everyone." Soichiro groaned.

* * *

><p>"So I'll drop you off here, then. Bye. Don't shoot things." Roger said, thankful to finally be able to leave the twelve year old.<p>

"Bye." Mello replied, with equal indifference and annoyance in his voice. He walked into the building, confident. He was awesome. Nothing was gonna stand in his way, and if it did he could shoot it's head off.

Or so he thought.

Every- damn- time- he went through the security system it freaked out.

"What the hell?" He shouted. He wasn't gonna strip!

Maybe it was the gun.

He sighed, pulled it out, and put it in the tray. He put all his other guns in the tray with it. He tried again.

* * *

><p>"Just a few minutes until living hell." Light muttered.<p>

_Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!_

_Beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep!  
><em>

"What the hell was that?" Mogi shouted.

"It appears that Mello has arrived." Ryuuzaki said. "I do wish that Watari would return, I want more cake."

"L!"

A large black and yellow thing hurtled across the room at the detective.

"Hello Mello. I see you've gotten through the security system."

"Dam- _darn _thing wouldn't let me through." Mello sat down next to Light. "Who are these people, anyway? And where's Watari?"

Everyone was too busy staring at the blonde to introduce themselves. Mello was extremely thin, had a blonde bob cut, and wore black cargo pants and a black tank.

"He's bringing Matt."

"Ah."

"Oh, the first of the kids have come!" Misa ran at Mello.

"Mello, this is Soichiro Yagami, Shuichi Aizawa, Kanzo Mogi, Light Yagami, Matsuda, Misa Amane, and you know who I am. Everyone, this is Mello." Ryuuzaki introduced everyone.

"Hi."

"Hello."

"Good afternoon."

"Uh, nice to meet you."

"Hey?"

"Hii!"

"Yo."

A redhead with skiing goggles walked in, followed by Watari.

"This is Matt. Soichiro Yagami, Kanzo Mogi, Light Yagami, Misa Amane, Matsuda, Ryuuzaki." Watari pointed out everyone except for Mello.

"I beat that level you couldn't get in the game. It was easy." Matt lay down on the couch, opening a DS.

"Because video game skills always are _so _helpful in real life." Mello rolled his eyes. "And you want to feel superior." He sat next to the gamer.

"Actually, I found that the skills I had learned in Pokemon were very helpful when solving this one murder case."

Mello had an expression on his face that looked like a mix between respect and vague annoyance.

"Right."

"I have just gotten a call from Janet, Near will be arriving within fifteen minutes. Janet appears to be lost." Watari closed a cell phone.

"I beat Near."

"You beat him... by arriving about twenty minutes earlier than him, do to a fault of his driver. Yeah, you beat him all right." Light chuckled. If these were L successors, once L died the world was guaranteed to be in chaos.

"I. Beat. Near."

"Technically, no- _Ahhh! What the _hell?" He shouted as a fist hit his face and he fell to the floor. Since he was handcuffed to Ryuuzaki, the world's greatest detectives fell with him.

"Agh!"

"L!"

Mello ran to the fallen detective, who had sustained noticeably less damage than Light. "Oh my god... I'm so sorry, are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Apologize to Light-kun."

Matt stifled laughter, pretending to be focusing on his PSP.

"Him? He's _Kira._ Or he was." Mello glared at the student, who had a black eye and his nose and hand seemed to be bleeding.

"Apologize anyway. It's impolite to hit people."

"Sorry."

"It's... fine?"

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry I'm late!"

A tall woman with long black hair ran in, and about 20 seconds later an albino kid with a toy robot followed her. "Uh, bye, I guess!" She ran out.

Ryuuzaki introduced everyone.

"You know what Misa-Misa noticed?"

_Oh god... not this... please..._ Light looked in horror at the vaguely slutty girl.

"Yeah?" Matt looked up from his Gameboy. "What did you notice?" The eleven year old seemed to look very smug, Light observed.

"Mello! You would look _so_ much cuter and _pretty,_ too! If only you'd stop wearing those _drab_ clothes all the time. Ooh! I think I have some dresses from when I was your age! They'd look _so cute_ on you!"

Matt dropped his Wii remote from laughing so hard.

"Misa, Mello-"

"_What._"

Misa looked at the gun pressed against her forehead. "You-you don't like dresses?"

"I. Am. Not. A. Girl."

"But, y-your hair, and..."

Matt put down the NES controller and walked over. "Yeah, I thought he was a girl too."

"_Silence, Jeevas!"_

Mello pulled out another gun and pointed it at Matt.

"M-"

"_SHUT THE _FUCK _UP!"_

Near leaned back as a gun went against his head. The three threatened people stared at the guns pointed at their heads, wondering how Mello even managed to do that.

"I don't think that's a good-"

"Oh? You think I'm doing something _stupid?" _A fourth gun was pressed against Matsuda's nose.

"I don't think shooting would-"

Fifth to Light. Sixth on the back of Soichiro's head.

"Look." Said Mello. Six of his guns were pointed at people in different parts of the room. He took a bite of chocolate. "Don't question me."

"Don't kill everyone here!" Aizawa ran over to try to disarm the kid, but ended up with a gun pressed against _his_ head.

"Mello, what are you doing_?_" Ryuuzaki returned from... Where _was _he, anyway, and why wasn't he handcuffed to Light? Ah well, that's a question for another time...

"Hey L." Mello took another bite of chocolate.

"Why is everyone at gunpoint?"

"As you can plainly see, Mogi and Watari don't have guns pressed against their heads."

"Don't threaten people at gunpoint. As punishment, I'm... confiscating your chocolate."

"Wait, you can't-"

Ryuuzaki took all the chocolate.

"The chocolate? What about the guns?" Soichiro shouted. The gun wasn't against his head, however. Everyone ignored him.

"Now apologize to everyone you were going to shoot."

"Sorry, everyone." Mello sank into the couch.

"What the hell..." Light muttered. This was gonna be a long two weeks.


	2. The plot well, nothing really happens

**Thanks for the reviews! Remember to review for this chapter, or Mello will come after you!**

* * *

><p>It was 2 am. The blonde got out of bed, yawning. He changed out of yesterday's clothes and put on some shorts and a teeshirt. Although it would probably be another four hours until anybody else was up, he hid some guns on his person and went down to Matt's room.<p>

Matt was asleep with an X-Box controller in his hand. He poked him in the face a few times, then decided it was useless and moved on to Near's room. Near was asleep too. Lego pieces and Transformers were littered across the floor.

"Yo."

No reaction.

"Wake up."

Why was he even waking up _Near?_ The blonde laughed, and went to explore the rest of the building. He came into a series of rooms that could've been a house.

"Wow."

He explored the rooms, and came to a locked door. He pulled out a paperclip and screwed up the lock until it clicked open. He opened the door and walked into a bathroom. The lights were on, and the shower was on. But there was nobody in there.

"The hell?"

He went into another room, where the girl who had thought he was a girl was sleeping. Mello looked at her. She wasn't actually that pretty, he thought, so he left.

He came to a kitchen.

A kitchen.

With food.

Chocolate was food, or so he thought...

**_!_**

Ahem.

There was no evil laugh. He pulled a flashlight off the refrigerator, and a calendar fell off with it.

"Fuck."

"Huh?"

"Shit."

Mello heard the voice. Soichiro's voice, to be specific. He knew it probably wouldn't be a good thing if he got caught, so he picked up the calendar and started to put it back on.

"What are you doing in here?"

"Yagami-san?"

"Mello..."

"I was looking for L?"

It wasn't a total lie. Once he found L he would probably just stay there.

"You should be in bed."

"Yeah, well-"

"Just go."

Mello left. He went up the elevator to one of the top floors. He walked into a living room.

"A pool table..." He mused, picking up a stick. He set up all the pool balls on the table. He removed the triangle, and hit the cue. It bounced expertly off the balls, with most of them going into the holes.

Except for three.

The cue, the three, and the nine.

He sighed and put the stick down.

He walked into the kitchen, certain that whoever's kitchen it was would have chocolate. He opened a drawer, but it was full of plates. No... He opened a cupboard, and...

_CRASH!_

_BANG!_

"Whas'sa gon'non?"

Mello leaned back, and felt blood on the ground. Blood? What? And what was with the broken glass and the smoke? He looked down, and saw a wound on his thigh. A bullet wound.

He gasped. "Aah. Aagh! Aagh!"

"Mel'o? Wha' y' doon'ar?"

Matsuda wiped sleep out of his eyes and poured himself a cup of coffee. "Why is there blood on the floor? Mello, shouldn't you be asleep?"

"Ah... Ah.. I... Ahhgh! He-help!"

"Uh..."

"I-I accidentally sh-shot m-myself-ah..."

"Ooh..."

"Help, you _dumbass!_"

"Right!" Matsuda picked Mello up, bridal style, and ran to the elevator. "I think that there's an infirmary here, because of that time when L made Light drop a knife on himself..."

Mello laughed.

"Totally deserved it..."

"What? M-mello, Light's a model student, and he's been a huge help in this investigation. I don't get-"

Mello shoved part of his gun in the police officer's mouth. "Shut up and heal me."

* * *

><p>About an hour later, Mello and Matsuda went different ways. Matsuda went upstairs, Mello went downstairs.<p>

"L?"

The pre-pubescent genius stepped into the main room of the headquarters. L was bent over the computer, and Light was drinking a cup of coffee.

"Um, what the hell is-"

"Yeah, he actually does sleep. Surprises me too." Light sighed.

"Don't you sleep?"

"Yeah, but I didn't feel tired tonight."

"Oh."

Mello sat down in a chair next to Light, but didn't neglect to glare at the college student. Light chuckled and put his hands up.

"Gonna shoot me?"

"Why would I waste bullets on _you_?" Mello hissed.

"Don't wanna wake up Ryuuzaki, huh?"

"Hmmph."

Light turned back to the computer, clicking absentmindedly.

"What happened to your leg?"

Mello turned away. "I don't wanna talk about it."

"Why not?"

"Look, I accidentally shot myself and had to have Matsuda get the bullet out. There. Happy?"

Light's expression was that of horror and concern.

"You poor child! You let Matsuda operate on you? You- I'm so sorry..."

"Why?"

"Frankly, Matsuda's an idiot."

"I thought so."

The two of them somehow managed to make friendly conversation until L woke up. Then they went back to animosity mode. Thank god.

* * *

><p>"Hey Mello, what happened to your leg?"<p>

It was a normal lunchtime at the headquarters. Or, semi-normal. As normal as you could get with four geniuses, an idiot, three normal people, a slut, and some college student. Yeah, that's not really normal. But you get what I mean. Normal for them. Matt was sitting with a playstation controller, and poking the bandages on Mello's leg.

"Quit poking it."

"Are you just jealous I get to play my Atari and you don't?" Matt grinned.

"Why would I be jealous of your stupid games?" Mello snapped.

"Be nice." Light muttered. Mello glared at him.

"I held up guns to several different people and ate chocolate at the same time. You really think I can't hurt you?" He bit into his chocolate, took a bite of chocolate, and pulled out 14 of his guns and pointed them all at Light. Then he took out a machine gun and pointed it at Soichiro.

"Why are you pointing a gun at me?"

"For conceiving him."

"Mello. Put the guns down. How the hell are you even holding them?" Aizawa asked, grabbing the guns out of the kid's hands.

"Bitch, please."

* * *

><p><strong>The plot... nothing happens with the plot, actually!<strong>

**Review?**


End file.
